its sort of like... damn.

im depressed. i want to talk about it. but, i dont want to be a downer. thank the internet for blogs... right??

i just cant get over the fact that hes gone. theres no phone calls and texts coming from him no matter how many times i look for his name in my phone. its like, why dont you want to hang out anymore?! and, then i think, "dobbie is dead and he's not coming back." then, my heart breaks all over again. i havent really had time to mourn about this whole situation. i still wake up every morning thinking this is a dream. i really thought his funeral would bring me closer. i was even one of the honored by his mother to carry his casket. its not that i dont think of any of my other friends less than him, its just as the years went by i discovered how much alike we are. he might have never thought this, but he sort of became a brother figure. a guy i could tell anything to. if something got too much for him for me to share, he wouldnt tell me to keep quite all the time. all though, he was gone for two years in california i still texted him up every once and awhile with eventually going out there with one our best friends jamie. we had a blast... but there was a falling out. he came back home a year later and things eventually became almost normal again. if not better then before. when his mother came and saw me at work with the huge ass grin that dobbie shared with her, i had to call that nigga up to let him know, "dude, your mom called me geisha... no one has called me that in forever." long story, short. from day one of meeting him i knew we were going to be really good friends. i dont know if any one is going to read this or not. but, i just couldnt stand not talking about it any more. and, i promise you dobbie. ill take care of jamie. i miss you and i wont ever forget you. 

a.d.h.d

today, i want to be this... in less then a week i want to do that instead. i have too many unfinished projects in the making. yet, i keep adding new ones to my list. but, one thing that doesnt change is how i think everything in my social world has shifted majorly. im not quit lost. but, its like living without a spiffy gps system. the feeling of being so closed off from the world you recently raveled in has just left you exhausted. yet you crave for every opportunity to sneak out that window and run freely through it time and time again.

ladies and gentlemen, marijuana is that gps system you needed after all. and, i dont want to have to move to california to be able to feel "normal" at some level. am i a pothead? ... maybe. but, i know with its magic way of mellowing me out: i dont really give a fuck what you call me. and, i do realize the first part of my blog has nothing to do with what im saying right now. but, the title is:  a.d.h.d im going for a jog now... its sort of like an anti-depressant once you get into the flow of things. 

with all kidding aside... im going to do whatever it takes to get to california and pursue the career in which i absolutely feel i will excel in to  the marrow of my bones, i will excel. if youre reading this and have absolutely no idea what im talking about... thanks for reading anyways. little do you know what you have came across in the near[ish] future. they're people around me who are living proof that dreams are never too big to dream. a good attitude, having good people around you, knowing who your friends really are, and knowing yourself will bring you great riches... and, not always in money. 

now, we're in trouble.

everyone has that wild friend. you may think all my friends are wild, but there's one that blows everyone out of the water. and, now she's 21, carded and dangerous.

 we had a fun night. i haven't really gone that hard core in awhile. i spent the night trying to kee

p up with her. she had 19 shots and at least 5 beers. while i was sitting in the hotel room as the the girls were getting ready for their night out at shore dr. we still had fun. i told katie to straightened my rat tail, yes i have one of those. watching snow's boobs in different dresses, kayla ripping the blow dryer out of the wall and me with m

y bowl. it was bound to for tony to hear what its like for girls and 

gay guys have conversations. i kept it clean, so it wouldn't be too creepy for him, but i said pretty off the wall things. it really made me and the ladies laugh. tony is good people, it's really hard not to want to fuck around with him like that. 

  anyways, we spent the night bar hopping up and down shore dr. we planned 3 destinations for the party. h2o, which we all got too drunk to make it too, shore break and spanish sounding bar that played like "euro electro" music on this particular nig

ht. im not gonna lie, we all ended up being the only people on the floor. imagine rolling 14 deep walking into a bar with like 5 people in it with no one on the dance floor and within 10 minutes all 14 of us were on the dance floor. we practically got everyone dancing at one point. it was great. it was funny! i think that i can be on "america's best dance crew," or something when i'm that drunk. there's probably pictures of it floating around on facebook or myspace.

n facebook or myspace. kayla, got so excited she danced... on my lap. at first, i thought she was going to fall backwards the way she was moving. it some effort from keeping her on my lap as long as i did, but eventually she went down. she didn't go down that hard, so no worries. 

we eventually ended the night back at the hotel room. were we pretty much partied until someone, who will remain nameless, puked in someone's car through a crack window. i think it was funny, but the guy that owned the car... not so much.  i just know i ended the night good. 3 honeys in one bed, what more can a guy need for his friend's birthday.

for your amusement... "what it is"

sex, alcohol, bars, sun, jet ski, weed, movies, sleep, work.

thats what ive been doing since last time i BLOGGED.

is there really a reason to keep up with a blog if youre just constantly updating your twitter status? 

this cant be real.

when i got the news my knees gave out. i refused to believe it was real. when i got home the news came on and then the media said it was so. i tried to hold it in but my tears just couldnt be held back. i got ready as fast i could to run over to your parents house. the sadness to was felt before i even opened the car to door to walk up the drive way. i dreaded the look i expected on your mothers face, giving her flowers and card to show my condolences. it felt shallow because they are no words that a card can have printed in it to tell you how deep and painful of the sorrow we share. i was their a friend who lost his little brother. i was their for parents who lost there child. i was their because i lost a friend. 

i couldnt look at anyone because i knew i would break down in tears. you can tell your mother is the one who it taking it the worst. her eyes so blood shot red, how was it possible she had could cry so many tears in two days. she had finally stopped, but i knew she was hurt. how could someone do this to you?! how could anyone bring your family so much grief!??  isiah jones, i just want to you to know that you are loved and you are missed by so many. you were the only person who treated every one the same. gave them nothing but your honest personality. theres was no bullshit with you. your exterior was tough, your attitude was strong, your talent beyond amazing, but you were taken way before your time. 

YOUTUBE.

many people exploit their foolish selves on youtube. some may be funny, some serious and some just plain stupid. i prefer funny ones. some of you may know i have a youtube channel... probably not since the most views on one of my videos is barely over sixty. i hope my channel fits in the category of "funny" and/or "stupid".  i know i havent made any updates on it in awhile and that i may have promised people shout outs on it, which will happen eventually.

basically, i watched a little movie last night called "jim and mira make a porno". and, in this movie is a very serious character that works in the adult movie industry whom i totally fell in love with. what i want to do is create a character inspired by him and make my youtube channel all about him. BUT! i need help with ideas. i basically got the character down, i just need ideas for his little "show". i do have a few notes written down for a couple of videos but i always second guess myself. 

i need your ideas, so i can make this character lovable and volgur as possible. hes a gay porn star with a lot of pride of his sexuality and in the industry that he works for. he has a troubled relationship with his chilean boyfriend javier... and that all i got. can you help me?!

ITS OVER!!!

as most of you who keep up with me in real life already know i was charged with a dui last winter. my license has been suspended since my court date since march 11 or last year. well, today it has been one year and one day! meaning, i can go get my license reinstated!!! with the good friends that i have being without a license was just a bother and nothing more. with my new job and my life back things are looking up.  i plan on saving money, buying my car when the lease is up, being more social in the respects of being sober... other than the times you just got to blow off some steam and drink and dance, since there is no charge for dancing under the influence.

this may sound weird, but im glad i got the dui in the long run. who knows how many nights ive could have been drinking and driving before something more terrible than this charge could have happened. yes, i dont fit the mold of what society wants a kid from the suburbs of virginia beach to be. honestly, i dont agree with most of what society pushes on my generation. but, when it comes to others i dont want to be held responsible when it comes to creating physical pain to others... specially when theyre just an innocent citizen. yes, the dui cost me a lot of money and stress. but, money comes and goes, as well as stress.

now, that this is all behind me and my life is finally coming around i can be more focused on no and my future without any worries. first up, is signing up for an acting class. then, finding an agent. my friends and my family know how passionate i am when it comes to acting. shit, i was a proud drama geek in high school. theres nothing like escaping from your self into a character. with all this said and done... good riddance to last year. from now on... not even the sky is the limit.

and, geralds story continues...

["Man, your mom just gave me the text that you woke up. We were pretty worried about you, how are you feelings" charlie said with the same excitement as a kid opening up a present on christmas morning. Relieved to hear the raspy voice that could only belong to charlie, gerald cried out, " I don't know how am. My dad is dead. I woke up having a little brother and sister. AND! My mother looks like the old lady from the lunch room... so, tell me, how am I doing?" charlie was shocked to hear gerald speak like this about his own family. Gerald has always been the man of the family since his dad passed back in middle school. "Look man, you're gonna be home in a couple of hours and we can go over everything then. But until then, you're going to need to chill the fuck out." With that, charlie hung up the phone. ] alright, that's it for now, since im on my phone and my writers block has finally been delt with. More and more on the story to come until I hit the next block.

sunday funday.

man o' man was today awesome. besides, the hang over i woke up to and some how losing elizabeth the previous night. the weather was such a dick tease today. only makes me want summer to be here all that sooner. 

the things ive experienced today seem like the type of things that only happen in the movies. i woke up to the sun shinning through the wooden blinds in this cramp room at a beach house down at sandbridge. got 

motivated and walked across the street to crashing waves where snow had the five second idea of making a necklace out of the shells scattered in the sand. somehow we all got involved into helping her out with collecting the shells. we walked and talked for a few 

before we decided that we needed some food to get us through our next step during the day. we all headed backed to the beach house to say our goodbyes and thank yous.  drove to red r

obin where took advantage of the fact that the fries were never ending. and, funny enough our server was a girl i use to go to high school with. with the little riot we caused while dining im pretty sure that she probably regrets the fact that we got sat in her section. the best part of lunch was the balloons! yeah, we're dorks and wanted balloons and the little coloring kit that the kids menu comes with.

 with it being so nice out we had to go back to the beach. wearing the clothes we had on the night before wasnt going to fly, so we slit up and got our beach gear on and met up at 43rd st.  with

 our warm beers at hand nick brought up the idea of sneaking into a hotel to use the hot tub. which we did! i myself, have never done something like that before. i can only imagine every kid that grew up in virginia beach has done snuck into a hotel's swimming pool time to time. and, to me things like that never happened in real life until today. it was really crazy but really fun. im sure that allie was more nervous than me. but, whats the worst that could happen if we got caught. it was worth the experience without a doubt. 

  this last picture is all of us in the hot tub. the flash wouldnt go so its a little dim, but you can see that we are still smiling and having a good time. until i have something to talk about, im out.

 

 

michael phelps SHOULD toke.

ok, so i wake up in the morning and find out michael phelps is getting criminal charges for his photo of him kissing the bong. WTF?! im sure we all have friends who has taken photos with their paraphernalia. hes 23 for christ sakes! just because he won like 70 medals or whatever doesnt make his maturity level change. the dude is gonna get high and cut loose every once and awhile. 

enough of that rant, the last post was about weed and it is about weed again. i dont smoke it that often, but if i had the choice of having tobacco or alcohol be illegal just so weed could be, im down.  most of the side effects from weed is from prolong use... well, doesnt tobacco and alcohol have side effects aswell?? you cant o.d. on thc but you can black out, damage your liver, have alcohol poisoning from one night of drinking. personally, sometimes i have a weeks on end of feeling depressed which make me have anxiety attacks and the only way to calm my nerves is to take a couple hits out of a bowl. i take adderall, but it gives me the runs and makes me lose my appetite. the anit depression meds i use to take made me feel like a zombie. 

weed isnt as bad as the world wants you to think. im not saying that im right. because, not all people wont agree... i totally understand that. like, some people dont agree with people smoking cigarettes or spanking their children. and, for the love of god dont compare weed to cocaine! if weed was legal we would be having as much problem with drug cartels and crime in the streets so whoever can get their hands on this magical plant that just grows there by the grace of god. 

fuck it. im moving to the bay area in a few months and the marijuana laws there arent as strict as the rest of the country. do me a favor and google: oakland, and see how marijuana saved a economic crisis of what is know as "oaksterdam" today.

mr. phelps, burn it up and fuck what the media has to say. youre good person, an american hero, and now a real person to me.

rudeboy.

WEEDS.

drugs are bad. but, as humans we still indulge in drugs such as alcohol and tobacco. these substances are both multi million, if not billion dollar industries. well, what if you add marijuana into the mix. i mean, this is no new concept by any means. but, it is very real that it could save the economy. after all, most people with common sense know it really isnt that big of a deal... besides the fact that its illegal.

the 1920's were a time much like today. prohibition... that word makes me laugh. so, ask yourself is marijuana worth criminalizing? as americans, we spend a ridiculous amount of money keeping people off streets because of weed. we can most certainly turn the economy around by legalizing this shit. think of all the jobs that are created just by legalizing it and how the government can make even more money off of it by having it legit.

• growers
• truck drivers
• cafes
• medical
• taxes

the list can go on, but i rather you do your research. living in virginia theres no hope in such a trade to be legalized even if the facts are jizzing on politicians faces. all im  saying... is when the pros beat the cons... its time for "change".

rudeboy.

what it is...

i promise next post ill have some more of the story up. i wrote some notes down in the last couple of weeks and everything is about to get really sappy. not in a gay way... more like the "stand by me". which, by the way, is one of my most top rated movies ever.

but, for now ive been trying to do good this '09 year. 

• i now only smoke when i drink.[once a week] 
  
• i ran just about every day
• working on my muscle
• reading more
• eating way healthy!
  

and, you would not imagine the extremes i go to eat healthier these days. yesterday's lunch was some chicken breast out of a can, spinach instead of regular lettuce, no dressing... jut lemon juice a tsp. of olive oil and some cayenne pepper for taste. i cant lie, its not like i wont eat a piece of pizza on monday nights. its just, this way im making some kind of an impact into adopting a healthier life style. 

well, on that note let me get on that treadmill and buddy-buddy with that yoga ball. 

sorry!

i have massive writing block. i dont know how to transition this story in the way i want it to go. its easier to think of a story. but, to write it out takes A LOT of imagination. i dont want to write anything that anyone will expect will happen. meanwhile, ive been taking notes and by the end of the week ill have some more up.