its sort of like... damn.

im depressed. i want to talk about it. but, i dont want to be a downer. thank the internet for blogs... right??

i just cant get over the fact that hes gone. theres no phone calls and texts coming from him no matter how many times i look for his name in my phone. its like, why dont you want to hang out anymore?! and, then i think, "dobbie is dead and he's not coming back." then, my heart breaks all over again. i havent really had time to mourn about this whole situation. i still wake up every morning thinking this is a dream. i really thought his funeral would bring me closer. i was even one of the honored by his mother to carry his casket. its not that i dont think of any of my other friends less than him, its just as the years went by i discovered how much alike we are. he might have never thought this, but he sort of became a brother figure. a guy i could tell anything to. if something got too much for him for me to share, he wouldnt tell me to keep quite all the time. all though, he was gone for two years in california i still texted him up every once and awhile with eventually going out there with one our best friends jamie. we had a blast... but there was a falling out. he came back home a year later and things eventually became almost normal again. if not better then before. when his mother came and saw me at work with the huge ass grin that dobbie shared with her, i had to call that nigga up to let him know, "dude, your mom called me geisha... no one has called me that in forever." long story, short. from day one of meeting him i knew we were going to be really good friends. i dont know if any one is going to read this or not. but, i just couldnt stand not talking about it any more. and, i promise you dobbie. ill take care of jamie. i miss you and i wont ever forget you. 

a.d.h.d

today, i want to be this... in less then a week i want to do that instead. i have too many unfinished projects in the making. yet, i keep adding new ones to my list. but, one thing that doesnt change is how i think everything in my social world has shifted majorly. im not quit lost. but, its like living without a spiffy gps system. the feeling of being so closed off from the world you recently raveled in has just left you exhausted. yet you crave for every opportunity to sneak out that window and run freely through it time and time again.

ladies and gentlemen, marijuana is that gps system you needed after all. and, i dont want to have to move to california to be able to feel "normal" at some level. am i a pothead? ... maybe. but, i know with its magic way of mellowing me out: i dont really give a fuck what you call me. and, i do realize the first part of my blog has nothing to do with what im saying right now. but, the title is:  a.d.h.d im going for a jog now... its sort of like an anti-depressant once you get into the flow of things. 

with all kidding aside... im going to do whatever it takes to get to california and pursue the career in which i absolutely feel i will excel in to  the marrow of my bones, i will excel. if youre reading this and have absolutely no idea what im talking about... thanks for reading anyways. little do you know what you have came across in the near[ish] future. they're people around me who are living proof that dreams are never too big to dream. a good attitude, having good people around you, knowing who your friends really are, and knowing yourself will bring you great riches... and, not always in money. 

this cant be real.

when i got the news my knees gave out. i refused to believe it was real. when i got home the news came on and then the media said it was so. i tried to hold it in but my tears just couldnt be held back. i got ready as fast i could to run over to your parents house. the sadness to was felt before i even opened the car to door to walk up the drive way. i dreaded the look i expected on your mothers face, giving her flowers and card to show my condolences. it felt shallow because they are no words that a card can have printed in it to tell you how deep and painful of the sorrow we share. i was their a friend who lost his little brother. i was their for parents who lost there child. i was their because i lost a friend. 

i couldnt look at anyone because i knew i would break down in tears. you can tell your mother is the one who it taking it the worst. her eyes so blood shot red, how was it possible she had could cry so many tears in two days. she had finally stopped, but i knew she was hurt. how could someone do this to you?! how could anyone bring your family so much grief!??  isiah jones, i just want to you to know that you are loved and you are missed by so many. you were the only person who treated every one the same. gave them nothing but your honest personality. theres was no bullshit with you. your exterior was tough, your attitude was strong, your talent beyond amazing, but you were taken way before your time. 

sunday funday.

man o' man was today awesome. besides, the hang over i woke up to and some how losing elizabeth the previous night. the weather was such a dick tease today. only makes me want summer to be here all that sooner. 

the things ive experienced today seem like the type of things that only happen in the movies. i woke up to the sun shinning through the wooden blinds in this cramp room at a beach house down at sandbridge. got 

motivated and walked across the street to crashing waves where snow had the five second idea of making a necklace out of the shells scattered in the sand. somehow we all got involved into helping her out with collecting the shells. we walked and talked for a few 

before we decided that we needed some food to get us through our next step during the day. we all headed backed to the beach house to say our goodbyes and thank yous.  drove to red r

obin where took advantage of the fact that the fries were never ending. and, funny enough our server was a girl i use to go to high school with. with the little riot we caused while dining im pretty sure that she probably regrets the fact that we got sat in her section. the best part of lunch was the balloons! yeah, we're dorks and wanted balloons and the little coloring kit that the kids menu comes with.

 with it being so nice out we had to go back to the beach. wearing the clothes we had on the night before wasnt going to fly, so we slit up and got our beach gear on and met up at 43rd st.  with

 our warm beers at hand nick brought up the idea of sneaking into a hotel to use the hot tub. which we did! i myself, have never done something like that before. i can only imagine every kid that grew up in virginia beach has done snuck into a hotel's swimming pool time to time. and, to me things like that never happened in real life until today. it was really crazy but really fun. im sure that allie was more nervous than me. but, whats the worst that could happen if we got caught. it was worth the experience without a doubt. 

  this last picture is all of us in the hot tub. the flash wouldnt go so its a little dim, but you can see that we are still smiling and having a good time. until i have something to talk about, im out.